The Ministry of Writing
Something that I wrote months ago, freed me today.
I have to tell the story for you to fully understand. I’ve been struggling with a certain book, a 365 day devotional. There was a section that I was led to write, but I didn’t have the heart to do it. Childhood molestation.
My grandfather touched me, inappropriately and often. Thankfully, I didn’t see him much, only in the summertime when I came south for vacation.
I know my aunts, cousins and my sister probably couldn’t stand for me to come down. I was a brat, always arguing and stomping around. I remember getting into trouble because I threw my shoes at my grandfather. But… no one else had seen what he tried to do.
At 8 years old, I questioned my sanity. Was this real? Was this right? Did I do something wrong? Then I found out that he touched my sister also.
So back to the book. I didn’t know how to write this section without bringing up the past. We are still a very tight family, and I just don’t have the strength or energy to fight with them. And I won’t publish it before I talk to them first.
I wrote about it, and it’s all on my laptop.
Yesterday, I came in the house and my mother says, Ayoka, I need to ask you something. I didn’t mean to go through your writing but I was using your laptop and just HAPPENED to come across something. Is this true that you were molested when I sent you south for the summer?
You have no idea how irritated, upset, mad I was. She read what I wrote, and she wanted to talk about it. Nope, sorry, don’t say a word to me.
But, today, she showed me what she wrote. She told me that she believed me. That I could talk to her if I wanted to. She even said that she thought she saw something a long time ago but brushed it off. She said I wasn’t going crazy.
And just like that, what I wrote and what she wrote, set me free from being bound by this.
I’m a minister and I’m a writer. I’m a ghostwriter who has written for others. I’m a coach who brings out the work for other writers. And now I’m free to write about everything.
Ayoka Boyce ~ Minister, Author, Freelancer, Blogger, Coach