The Ministry of Writing

The Ministry of Writing

Something that I wrote months ago,  freed me today.

I have to tell the story for you to fully understand.  I’ve been struggling with a certain book, a 365 day devotional. There was a section that I was led to write, but I didn’t have the heart to do it. Childhood molestation.

My grandfather touched me,  inappropriately and often.  Thankfully,  I didn’t see him much,  only in the summertime when I came south for vacation.

I know my aunts, cousins and my sister probably couldn’t stand for me to come down. I was a brat, always arguing and stomping around.  I remember getting into trouble because I threw my shoes at my grandfather.  But… no one else had seen what he tried to do.

At 8 years old,  I questioned my sanity.  Was this real?  Was this right?  Did I do something wrong? Then I found out that he touched my sister also.

So back to the book. I didn’t know how to write this section without bringing up the past. We are still a very tight family,  and I just don’t have the strength or energy to fight with them. And I won’t publish it before I talk to them first.

I wrote about it,  and it’s all on my laptop.

Yesterday,  I came in the house and my mother says,  Ayoka, I need to ask you something.  I didn’t mean to go through your writing but I was using your laptop and just HAPPENED to come across something.  Is this true that you were molested when I sent you south for the summer?

You have no idea how irritated,  upset,  mad I was. She read what I wrote,  and she wanted to talk about it.  Nope,  sorry,  don’t say a word to me.

But,  today,  she showed me what she wrote. She told me that she believed me. That I could talk to her if I wanted to.  She even said that she thought she saw something a long time ago but brushed it off.  She said I wasn’t going crazy.

And just like that,  what I wrote and what she wrote,  set me free from being bound by this. 

I’m a minister and I’m a writer. I’m a ghostwriter who has written for others. I’m a coach who brings out the work for other writers.  And now I’m free to write about everything.

 

Ayoka Boyce  ~ Minister,  Author,  Freelancer,  Blogger,  Coach